"Son, not "sun"

So, on Monday, I started writing again for this blog. I’m trying to get my shit together. One would think by the time someone is 31; they would have figured things out. I have a great support system and parents who love me beyond measure, yet something is still lacking in my life. I did not know what this was until this morning. As I’ve stated in the other blogs, I attempt to replay conversations in my head after the fact. I was replaying one such conversation from a few months ago this morning when I realized it fit into exactly what’s going on in my life right now. On the surface, it seems as if everything is going perfectly for me. I am being considered for my first job, and from what I’m told, I’m high on the list of potential candidates. I didn’t mess up the actual interview even though I was nervous as all get out. I just had a visit with one of my best friends. Life couldn’t be sweeter, right? Well, I am sad to report that this is not the case. I never thought I’d use this blog as a therapy outlet, but a conversation that occurred recently with my mother and me, along with the dialogue that a former aide and I had several months ago, made me realize that perhaps I’m dealing with an issue that needs to be discussed on a larger scale about maturity and disability



I’ve always complained about how the able-bodied community coddles people with disabilities throughout my many pieces on this blog. While this may be true to no small extent society-wide, it isn’t true in all cases. Many people with disabilities are forced to face the hard realities of unloving and uncaring families. I am not coddled either, for the most part. However, I fall in between. I am nothing less than adored by my parents and support system, but I often fail to see it or take it for granted. I wonder if this occurs throughout the disability community. Usually, we get so wrapped up in how people treat us; we forget how to treat people ourselves. It is not my attempt to attribute all my wrongdoings to my disability, no. It is merely an acknowledgment of a flaw that I have to work on. I have lost friends and damaged relationships with people I love due to my self-centered view of the world. I cannot go back and change these actions, and the old saying that actions speak louder than words is true. However, this is my attempt to start fresh. To some readers, it may seem surprising that I am admitting that my life is not perfect. I have the chance to live a pretty awesome experience. If it isn’t perfect, it isn’t anyone’s fault but mine.

I use myself as an example to make this point; people with disabilities often view the world as victims. Maybe we are victims but victims of ourselves. The only ones we can control are ourselves. However, not to be too cliché, our actions do have consequences. Our world can be awesome or horrible or a mixture of both. It is up to us to choose the path we roll down.