Lessons Learned: Self-Reliance

So I didn't write a lot in 2014 yet, but I promise that will change. This posting will be my 40^th blog. It is amazing what this blog has grown into a little over nine months.

            Nine months ago, I was angry and bitter and didn't know how to deal with it. They say life has a funny way of working out. I can't say that I would say that in nine months, I found my voice or at least the beginnings of it. As this blog says, I have learned a few things over the past little bit. I've written about comedy, I've written about political issues, and I've written about disability stereotypes; however, this blog will be a little different.

            Maybe it's because of how I was raised, but I have developed a fighter spirit that is both a good thing and a bad thing. As I sit down to write this post, in fact, I still remember the latest fight I had with my parents about being self-reliant. Without boring you with the gritty details, let's say we disagreed on how self-sufficient I should be at this point in my life.  My fight with my parents had nothing to do with a disability, at least on the surface; however, it got me thinking about a disability community problem.

            I've read a lot lately since graduating from my master's program in early December of 2013. I don't know whether it was intentional or not, but many titles have been related to making one's destiny. The last book I finished, I am Malala, was a highly publicized book about a girl shot by the Taliban in Pakistan to speak up for girls' educational rights. That book not only blended history and culture, but it struck me on a personal level. The circumstances Malala had to overcome put her in extreme danger every day. Regardless of that danger, she still stood up for what she wanted.  She knew no one else was going to give it to her unless she proves herself.

Similarly, A Bold Piece of Humanity, by Bill O'Reilly, discussed the controversial commentator's belief system and how he had come to reach those beliefs. While some of Mr. O’Reilly's political views may not sit well with some, the striking thing about this book was that like Malala; he did not rely on anyone to hand him success. No, he just took it.

            What does this all have to do with disability, one might ask? Well, it is simple. I've noticed lately, and I include myself in this generalization as well, that most people with disabilities let external forces control their lives. Often they feel trapped by circumstance, so we do not complain when our aide care is sub-par or something doesn't get done in a typical fashion because we are disabled. No, we accept it as our reality. Well, the above two books, along with something my father has been trying to tell me for forever, have finally sunk in.  Hard work isn't easy. I will use a parable from a well-known book for those of you who need it put simpler. Whether or not you believe it that Jesus of Nazareth is God as I do, the Bible does have one exciting thing that everyone can live by. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime. This is not a wealth criticism or even a social criticism; instead, in this case, it is a disability criticism.

            I am criticizing those like myself in the disability community who often let their circumstances define their lives.  Yes, our lives may be challenging, but our obstacles are no different than anyone else's. We are no other than a single mom of four that I know who busts her ass every day and sometimes goes without to help me and make her kid's lives better. We are also no different from a 49-year-old man who goes to work every day and doesn't smoke a day in his life but ends up getting cancer at 50. He still must get up, go to chemo, and move on with his life. We are no different from my Dad, who was perfectly healthy a year ago and is now fighting every day to keep his spirits up and keep moving towards his retirement dream. I know that was long-winded, but I do have a point.

            Disabled people think that because we rely on other people so much, whether we have a physical or mental disability, we are not in control of our lives. I'm here to tell you that our lives are what we make them, no one else.

If we do not have much physical control, then we can demand high expectations of those who do have biological control over our lives. Disability is not a limit, just a challenge. Quit letting it limit you and start challenging it. Your experiences will be better in the short term, and the world will be better in the long run. 

 

I’m Disabled--It Doesn’t Mean I’m Dead

It falls again. It's been a while since I've written because I'm back in school, and that comes with the Fall and along with another great American past time, that being NFL. The National Football League is one of the most talked-about things in American life. Sports, in general, play a significant role in American culture. The sports phenomena units people that frequently have very little in common. There is a spirit about competition in the sports arena that is hard to find anywhere else. However, usually, one group of individuals who are not associated with sports or at least disability in sports doesn't come to mind simultaneously in most people's minds. The disabled are not that different from anyone else, though, when it comes to their love of sports.
       Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am an avid New York Giants fan, and I often yell at the T.V. when they screw up (which happens to be a lot this season). I am also a die-hard New York Yankees fan, and I love hockey in general and college basketball. I am often asked, "How can you be that into sports if you can't play them?" And yes, I can't play them, but I can still feel the drive and adrenaline from a game. It's hard to explain. Disabled people don't only sit and watch. We also compete just as hard, if not harder, than regular athletes. There are misconceptions when it comes to disability and sports. Through an interview I recently conducted, I hope to dispel some of these misconceptions.

       As I have said in previous blogs, I go to a University in North Western Pennsylvania. The University prides itself on being an "inclusive" campus for people with disabilities. As a part of that effort, they have a wheelchair basketball team. I was recently fortunate enough to be able to interview a senior on that team. Kate Chaser was kind enough to discuss basketball sports for people with disabilities and disability awareness in general. Before I get into the interview, here's a little bit of Kate's bio. Kate is a senior Public Relations major with plans of going to Grad school. She has not yet been accepted, but she is still hopeful. She is also a part of the University's sizeable student-athlete population. She plays point guard on the wheelchair basketball team.

       To give an unfamiliar reader a little insight into wheelchair basketball, I asked Kate to explain it a little. She explained that she first started playing when her mom was suggested for Kate to play at a function for the Philadelphia chapter of the spina bifida association. Spina Bifida is a disability that has made Kate a person with paraplegia. It caused her to be born with a hole in her spinal cord. As far as basketball, Kate started playing around the age of 10. This opened many doors for her. As Kate put it, "It gave me many opportunities that I would not have had if it wasn't for sports." She went on to further explain that not every state has a wheelchair basketball program. Thus, the competitive pool is small, but although the pool is small, the sport's competitive nature is anything but small. These athletes are some of the most intense athletes you will ever meet. The only way that the game differs from regular basketball is in a little technical fashion. Athletes are allowed to dribble the ball once and then push their wheels twice before dribbling again. Apart from that, the physicality of the game is the same as its "able-bodied" counterpart. 
       Now that you understand a bit about wheelchair basketball, I can get further into an exciting point that Kate made. "Even though we are athletes, we don't get the same respect as other athletes," said the senior. When I asked her what she meant by that, she displayed tremendous insight. She pointed out that people with disabilities have often been relegated to in a power chair needing full assistance or not disabled. Many times people don't see the varying degrees of disability. They lump disability altogether. This goes back to the societal habit of seeing the disability before they see the person. To make this point clearer, it is like comparing the Special Olympics to the athletic contests that Chasar and her teammates engage in every season. Both involve disabilities, but they are remarkably different. 
       Why is it that when it comes to disability that the disabled are seen as quiet, timid, or sideline sitters most of the time? People often think that just because people have a physical obstacle that they must overcome, they do not have a competitive spirit. Kate has a concrete example of the idea that this is an outdated thought. She gets up nearly seven days a week at 7 a.m. and practices for three hours, then takes on a full college schedule (much like any other athlete would do). Aside from that, she also has to deal with obstacles in her everyday life that not every person has to deal with. As she notes, her obstacles are less severe than others, but it still has presented challenges in her life. 
       "Sports have allowed me to develop "normally," and I don't know what I would do without sports." You might ask what she means by this statement. Usually, people with disabilities sit on the sidelines and don't engage the outside world. Even though I have a disability myself, I haven't figured out why this disturbingly more common than you think phenomena. Being involved in sports or other "normal" social activities allows people (disabled or not) to develop a sense of community and commodity necessary for human existence—the story of Kate and others like her highlight an interesting point. 
       No matter our obstacles, whether physical or mental, we all have a spirit that is dying to be expressed in one form or another. Some use writing, music, violence, and video games, while others use sports. Disabled people and the disabled community are no different. What is different is our society's perception of us expressing our spirit normally. We are often seen as "inspirations" or "amazing" when we engage in everyday activities that no one expects us to get into. This blog is not designed to get rid of all the "you are amazing" comments but shows that people like Kate Chasar and I are not unique. Disabled people, in general, have passion, and we are just like the rest of society. Sports are only one way that we express our love for life. That being said, there is one other point worth mentioning. 
       At the University, which I currently attend, disability is supposedly one of their calling cards. One of their badges of honor. Not to downplay a great University for the few things they do well, but as a person who has attended the University for several years now, I feel like I have the right to say if you are going to champion the disabled population as one of your cornerstone attractions, and push disabled athletics (as far as wheelchair basketball is concerned) you might want to give them equal time as other programs. I am not an athlete as I am down to a power chair, but I know this is not just a sentiment, which I hold. Others have said that the wheelchair basketball program (of which Ms. Chasar is a part of) is treated as a second-class athletic program. Their games are never promoted on equal footing with other events; they have often pushed aside other schools and organizations to use our facilities. Yet, one wonders why disabled sports, in particular at this University, are not well known. As Ms. Chasar's interview and the above indicate, people with disabilities have a spirit that loves competition, loves self-expression, and loves adrenaline despite our obstacles. Now it is time for society to appreciate who we are and what we can do.

Along with not treating us as abnormal or "amazing" when we express the same emotions that everyone else does and enjoy the same things daily. This is my motto, but hopefully, it will be a motto associated with all people with disabilities. Despite our obstacles, fear nothing and regret less.