Parenting Series: How One’s Perspective Can Change Given The Right Circumstances

Happy Taco Tuesday everyone! Thank you for the continued support you have shown over the past few weeks. Today will be the third in a series about parenting with a disability. I did not intend for this topic to be a series of blogs but the topic keeps finding relevance in my life and I hope to continue to impact others as well. 

I began writing about parenting with a disability a decade ago. The first blog was entitled "Who Says We Can't Have A Family". Who Says We Can't Have A Family  Two years later I wrote a second blog entitled “Parenthood & Me”. Parenthood & Me 

If you read both blogs, you may be a little confused. I sound like a rolling contradiction (: Both of these blogs were written while I was single as a pringle. In the first blog, I had a positive outlook on having a biological child. In the second blog, I said something to the effect of after thinking about it I would be doing a disservice to a young child, and I stated that I thought it would be more appropriate if I adopted an older child. Well, eight years have passed since I wrote the second blog and by some strange facet of the universe, or as I like to call it God’s Divine Plan, I am no longer single as a pringle. I have been lucky enough to capture a little space alien named Samantha “Elizabeth” Lebron. Her middle name is not actually Elizabeth. I just gave it to her because she looks just as beautiful as Elizabeth Taylor. (I know Samantha you hate your imposed middle name, but oh well I guess you will have to give me one soon.) Back to my point.  A lot has changed. I now have someone I want to build a life with and hopefully have a child or multiple children with. With that in mind my views on children haven’t changed; they have just gained some perspective. While I continue to believe adoption is still an option, and there a lot of kids out there who need a good home regardless of whether they are disabled or not, my desire to have biological children is stronger now than it has ever been. 

In closing in the first blog, I said that I did not know much about assistive technology for taking care of a child when you are a parent that has a disability. Since the purpose of this blog serves as a resource for everyone as well as to inform people about what living with a disability entails, I plan on researching assistive devices and equipment further and will be writing a fourth blog on parenting with a disability in the future.

Enjoy your Taco Tuesday and come back tomorrow for another interesting blog post from The Voiceless Minority.  

P.S. If anyone has any ideas for upcoming blog posts or wants to be a guest writer please leave a comment below or contact me via email at jasonhahr@gmail.com

Your Friendly Neighborhood Super Advocate, 

Jay  

Parenthood & Me

Almost two years ago, I wrote a blog about disability parenthood called "Who Says We Can't Have A Family?" http://thevoicelssminority.blogspot.com/2013/07/who-says-we-cant-have-family.html In it, I discuss several issues about being a parent and having a disability. When I wrote the blog, I had just turned 27 and had a different view on life. As I am approaching my 29^th birthday, my perspective on the world is somewhat the same, but on the disability and parenting issue, I don't know if I still hold the same belief.

            In that first blog, I laid out the following arguments: It is natural to want to pass genes to offspring, considering human life is just a blip in the cosmic makeup of things, and all we have are the legacies we leave behind. While I still agree with that argument, I find myself internally struggling with the question. Although I believe disabled people as a group have the right to be parents, am I, as a disabled person, capable of being a parent?

            This argument has been weighing on my mind for several days now. As much as I am bound and determined to have a family, I wonder if I have ever accepted my limitations enough to have a family. By that, I mean, I am aware that I will not hold my son or daughter. In the first blog, I laid out physical ways to overcome this. But I did not do the emotional aspect of the problem. To become a good parent, one has to be emotionally secure with his or her self, to provide emotional support to the life they bring into this world. The same could be said for people with disabilities, except on a different level. People who have disabilities have to be emotionally okay with themselves as people. I feel this could be split even further.

People who have disabilities have to not only understand their limitations physically, but they have also to know what they mean. Physically correcting or not being able to hold someone might be possible and practical, but will it compensate for the emotional closeness when they hold the child. It is issues like this that I am not able to think about. Although in the earlier blog, I have said that it doesn't matter how many poopy diapers you change or how many balls you throw, I find myself not second-guessing the statement, but wondering if it comes from the perspective of someone who has no idea what it is like to play catch. I believe quality outweighs quantity, where I am struggling, can be best summed up in this example: I love sports, so I would hopefully instill a love for sports in my children. I look at my Uncle Richard and see how much enjoyment he gets out of coaching his son and my other little cousins, and I find myself asking if they love sports and I can't play, how will it make me feel to have someone else play sports with them, even if that someone else is my wife?

 

This blog may seem like it contradicts itself, but the earlier blog on family, and it may be. I am not sure of my capability to not have the physical/emotional bond that comes from the physical contact with a child and be okay with that. Things may change in the future, but as of right now, for this person with a disability, parenting is not in my future as much as I would like it to be.