The Art of The Casual Lie

Your friendly neighborhood super advocate is back! This time I have a question. Have we reached a point where it is okay to tell a “casual lie” rather than the truth?

You may ask what made you pose the above question. The answer is sad but simple. During a recent follow-up appointment with my pain management doctor, I began talking to his nurse. I have been to the office several times in the last few months because my pain pump needed to be replaced. On this particular occasion, I found it easy to talk with the attending nurse for that day. For privacy purposes, I will not give her name here. 

Throughout my appointment, we chatted easily. She asked me general questions about my education and other topics, and I did the same. As the appointment progressed, it eventually came out that I was a disability blogger. I told her about this blog and mentioned that we had a Facebook page. She seemed genuinely interested, so I invited her to like the page and add me on Facebook. Truth be told, I was not expecting her to do so, however, she immediately responded with the following “Sure I will add you. My name is (blank).” She then preceded to give me her name. After doing so, she said, “Now I post some crazy Crap, so don’t be offended.” I chuckled because I also post crazy stuff as well. The appointment concluded and I went home.

Later that evening, I was on Facebook checking my various accounts and I decided to look her up. While there are numerous accounts with the name she gave me, after looking for quite a while I was unable to find her. Although I expected this from the beginning, the casual way that she

blew me off with what I am sure she thought was a harmless lie got me thinking.

In America today we have become a culture that is dominated by the casual lie. We no longer dare to be honest. If the young lady had no intention of adding me on social media, I would’ve been okay with that. All she would’ve had to do was say “something to the effect of” I would love to, but it is against office policy”.  Instead, to not hurt my feelings she came across as patronizing.

I believe this not only highlights a societal issue that needs to be addressed, but on a deeper level, it brings up the issue of how people view individuals with disabilities. For the longest time the general population has seen those with disabilities as fragile. Several years ago, I wrote a blog entitled” The Protection Complex.” That blog addressed a similar issue that is still relevant today. I believe society views us as fragile because they do not see us as equals whether it’s an individual’s family unit, boss, or during social interactions. People with disabilities are often coddled and are not forced to face the realities of life. You may think I’m reaching, but I believe this young lady blew me off because she thought one of two things. That I was just hitting on her like everyone else does, or, as I believe, she probably saw me as fragile and felt that I couldn’t take the truth. 

Why has the truth become such a toxic thing in America today and especially with people with disabilities? I think the answer is quite simple. Oftentimes, the truth is raw and may hurt, however, if we continue ignoring the truth, we will become a softer and more anxious society. As a final thought, it may be good to try and soften the blow once in a while but by doing so we may do more harm than good.

Anyway, let me step/roll off my soap box for the evening. Hope you guys have enjoyed the read. I look forward to a vibrant discussion about any or all of the issues I brought up in this post. 

Until Next Time,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Super Advocate,

Jay

Disability Is A Mindset Not A Diagnosis

Your friendly neighborhood super advocate is back! Since I last posted a lot of things have happened in terms of disability related issues and content. This post is the first of several posts to come. They will discuss a wide variety of topics including dating and relationships as well as finances and the low expectations society still has for people with disabilities. 

Today’s post will highlight a recent encounter that I had at Wal-Mart. The encounter reinforces the idea that there is still a narrow view of disability in society. Let me set the scene.  

As I often do, I was shopping at my local Wal-Mart a couple weeks ago. Most of the time I go in to the store with my caregiver or I pick up the groceries I have preordered. On this day, I did not go in, instead I decided since I only had a few things to pick up I would have my caregiver run in for me. As most of you know, I currently live in Florida. The weather in Florida often fluctuates between warm and extremely hot in the spring and summer. Rather than waste gas and run the car, my aide and I decided that she would leave the windows down for me. Wal-Mart must have been particularly crowded on this day because it took longer than usual.

While I was listening to music and waiting for my caregiver, an African American gentleman stopped one of the Wal Mart employees who was gathering carts in the parking lot and loudly made the following comment while pointing at my van. “Look at that autistic kid. I don’t think he knows they left him in the car. This is abuse. You should call the cops. It is too f-ing hot”. As this interaction was taking place my first thought was to react with anger. I actually said out loud I do not have fucking autism”. I then thought to myself why are you getting angry? This is typical. After a few seconds I realized if the guy came over, I could use his comment as a teaching moment. Eventually he did approach the vehicle, and proceeded to ask me in a patronizing way if I was okay. Before I responded I took a few seconds to compose myself. 

After reassuring the gentleman that I indeed was okay, I proceeded to inform him that I did not have autism and not all people with disabilities are autistic. He must have been taken aback by my response because all he said was “Oh, glad you are okay. Have a good day”. Once my caregiver got back in the car, I told her the story and we immediately started laughing about it. It was not until later when I told my girlfriend who has the same disability that I do, that she suggested I write this blog. The reason I took a couple weeks to write this blog was because I was having trouble figuring out whether there was a larger lesson that I could expand upon because of this encounter. It was not until last Sunday that the lesson became clear. 

I had not thought about the ignorant comment for a few weeks, and it did not enter my mind until a different caregiver of mine was having a conversation with his friends, and they were surprised that people with disabilities could go bowling. The two incidents made me realize that there is a larger concept that most of the able-bodied community does not yet grasp.

Even though we are in the third decade of the 21st Century and a lot of improvement has been made in the lives of people with disabilities, there is still a level of ignorance and lack of awareness when it comes to disability throughout mainstream society. People either patronize people with disabilities or assume certain things about people with disabilities instead of getting to know us as individuals. If we are ever going to change this, people with disabilities need to be more assertive and this may be controversial but stop feeding into the idea that the majority of society holds.  Most of the able-bodied community assumes that disability equals low expectations. The disabled community further perpetuates this idea when they don’t have high expectations for themselves or each other. 

The statements made in this blog reflect my own beliefs and do not reflect the beliefs of any other individual with a disability. I am not sure how the disabled community will react to this blog as a whole, but it is my hope that all who read this blog will be left with something to think about. People should be judged by what they do, and the impact they make on the world. It is up to all of us to not only be good people but not give others a reason to look down upon us regardless of whether or not we have a disability.

I know this post is longer than usual but I believe it was necessary and just the right length. 

‘Til next time, your friendly neighborhood super advocate,

Jay