Parenthood & Me

Almost two years ago, I wrote a blog about disability parenthood called "Who Says We Can't Have A Family?" http://thevoicelssminority.blogspot.com/2013/07/who-says-we-cant-have-family.html In it, I discuss several issues about being a parent and having a disability. When I wrote the blog, I had just turned 27 and had a different view on life. As I am approaching my 29^th birthday, my perspective on the world is somewhat the same, but on the disability and parenting issue, I don't know if I still hold the same belief.

            In that first blog, I laid out the following arguments: It is natural to want to pass genes to offspring, considering human life is just a blip in the cosmic makeup of things, and all we have are the legacies we leave behind. While I still agree with that argument, I find myself internally struggling with the question. Although I believe disabled people as a group have the right to be parents, am I, as a disabled person, capable of being a parent?

            This argument has been weighing on my mind for several days now. As much as I am bound and determined to have a family, I wonder if I have ever accepted my limitations enough to have a family. By that, I mean, I am aware that I will not hold my son or daughter. In the first blog, I laid out physical ways to overcome this. But I did not do the emotional aspect of the problem. To become a good parent, one has to be emotionally secure with his or her self, to provide emotional support to the life they bring into this world. The same could be said for people with disabilities, except on a different level. People who have disabilities have to be emotionally okay with themselves as people. I feel this could be split even further.

People who have disabilities have to not only understand their limitations physically, but they have also to know what they mean. Physically correcting or not being able to hold someone might be possible and practical, but will it compensate for the emotional closeness when they hold the child. It is issues like this that I am not able to think about. Although in the earlier blog, I have said that it doesn't matter how many poopy diapers you change or how many balls you throw, I find myself not second-guessing the statement, but wondering if it comes from the perspective of someone who has no idea what it is like to play catch. I believe quality outweighs quantity, where I am struggling, can be best summed up in this example: I love sports, so I would hopefully instill a love for sports in my children. I look at my Uncle Richard and see how much enjoyment he gets out of coaching his son and my other little cousins, and I find myself asking if they love sports and I can't play, how will it make me feel to have someone else play sports with them, even if that someone else is my wife?

 

This blog may seem like it contradicts itself, but the earlier blog on family, and it may be. I am not sure of my capability to not have the physical/emotional bond that comes from the physical contact with a child and be okay with that. Things may change in the future, but as of right now, for this person with a disability, parenting is not in my future as much as I would like it to be.

Good morning Baltimore

Throughout US history, race relations have been a divisive issue. Recently the death of a gentleman by the name of Freddy Graves has sparked the controversy yet again. Graves was a twenty-five year old African American living in Baltimore, Maryland; he encountered police after they stopped him for "for looking at them and then running from them." Graves was arrested and taken to jail. On the way to jail, he received a broken spine and other injuries. As a result of his injuries, he died a week after his arrest while still in police custody. His death would send the city of Baltimore into an uproar.

At first, the protest against the police treatment of Mr. Graves was non-violent. Protesters seemed to be peacefully voicing their displeasure over several issues, including the treatment of the minority community by the Baltimore police over decades. However, on the day that Freddy Graves was buried, tensions rose, and the peaceful protesters were overshadowed by violence. The violence went on for several days. It has included hurling objects at the police, luting, and burning down a CVS and senior citizen center built; there was also a planned purge at a Baltimore Mall. The rioting has raised many questions about race in this country. However, I find myself asking other questions as well.

The people that are rioting are not rioting over Freddy Graves. Instead, they use Graves' death as an excuse to voice their opinion about issues within the black community. I cannot argue with this. I say that throwing bricks and burning down buildings will not get them anywhere. It will only cause the majority of the people to overlook the protest and real issues, and instead, classify a whole community of people as thugs.  The riots have calmed down since the arrest of six officers, but we will have to see if charm city can bounce back and once again live up to its name. The exciting thing about the arrest is that there was not a race motive behind them. Three whites and three blacks were arrested in connection with the incident. The question now is, will charges stick in this case, considering that it involves law enforcement.

One final and interesting note about the Freddy Graves situation and the riots is local officials' response. On the initial day of rioting, the mayor of Baltimore said, "Let them lute, it is only property." As many have commented, this is perhaps one of the most asinine statements ever made by a political official. However, the words that came out of the Baltimore mayor's mouth were not the only mistakes made throughout the situation. The mayor's entire approach to the riots is questionable. On the first night, police were seen backing away from protestors. Since then, it has come to light that perhaps those gave them a stand-down order higher up the command chain. Whether this is true has not yet been determined, but the idea that it is even a possibility is scary. Now that the riots have concluded, the question remains "What do the Baltimore riots show us?"

As I said before, destroying one's city does not make sense to me. What it demonstrates is the lack of knowledge and ability to voice one's grievances effectively.

            The riots had little to do with one single death. Mr. Graves' death was only the tipping point in a volatile situation between two different groups with two different cultural experiences. Even in the 21^st century, decades after the civil rights bus boycotts and the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr., race relations are no better now than they were then. Some may say that this is a bold statement to make, I counter that even though we have a black president, there is still an institutional difference between being white and black in this country. The riots are only the latest example of hostility that may never end.