I don’t want the destiny you have planned for me: I’ll make my own. Thank You!

It's been a long time since I have written, but I recently watched a video that got me thinking. The video is linked below. I have shared it tons of times since I have watched it. In it, the speaker Stella Young brings up an idea of something called inspiration porn.

            She says that the lie that has been perpetrated is more social than physical. I could not agree with her more when I posted the following status "No, I am Not an inspiration for getting my Master's degree and having a disability. No, I am Not an inspiration for getting out of bed every day. Having a disability doesn't make me inspiration, just food for thought." I got a mix back of responses. Some did not understand my point for posting the status, my point being that the inspirational things that I have done should have nothing to do with my disability. My achievements should be based strictly on their merit. They should not have an asterisk by them simply because I have a disability. I haven't achieved much. I have done what you are supposed to do in life, but I get extra credit because I am disabled, and no one expected me to do it. In my experience, the only significant achievement that I have that is out of the ordinary is that I have just completed a book.

            The book, however, is not yet even an achievement because it is not published. I am working on getting it published, but I am not done yet. The fact that I got my Master's degree is not an achievement in my eyes because a master's degree in education is only as useful as the effort you put into it. I do not have a job, nor at this time do I have any prospects. What I do have is 3 degrees that I have not used. Determination to make society understand disability as not something different, not something negative, but rather just another obstacle. Along the way, I will encounter resistance, even from loved ones. Why is this?

            As I said, I have a master's degree in education. For that Master's degree, I was required to take classes on "educating children with special needs."  The language and lexicon taught in these courses indicate the overall problem: Society, with the rare exception, views disability as so unique and rare that they do not know how to handle it. They are preconceived notions of what disabled people can and cannot achieve, how their lives should or should not go. This is even true in the case of my parents. Without getting into too much of the debate we have had recently, I can say that parents often mean well but do more than good. Just because our bodies are "physically disabled or exceptional," as they call it in the education classes, doesn't mean our spirits are. It doesn't mean that we don't have normal drives and determinations. It doesn't mean we don't deserve to make our own decisions. If anything, just because we don't have a disabled spirit, people are confused.

            Common assumptions I hear regarding my physical disability aren't always limited to my mental facilities. Yes, people assume that just because I am physically disabled, I am mentally challenged, but they make other equally hurtful assumptions. For example, I have had many people that I know say that I am crazy for going sky-diving because of my disability. I might be fantastic for wanting to go sky diving, but my physical disability should have nothing to do with it. Why should my disability hold me back from doing anything if I find a way to do it? A more powerful assumption was that we never thought you would live on your own. We are so impressed by what you have done. Why is it impressive? Am I supposed to sit in the basement of Mommy and Daddy's house forever? I guess so. Just because I don't live on my own normally doesn't mean I am incapable of doing it. Yes, I have aides that come in and help, and there are glitches along the way, which most people don't have to face, but I make it work. I was even told by a close family member that they were surprised that I am living independently. They never thought it would happen. I should not be surprised by these comments, and in a way, I am not. I am amazed that it is 2014, and we still have such an archaic view of disabilities.

            I realize that there are differences between generations, and sadly we are only a product of our experiences. That being said, sometimes I feel that in my little corner of the world, even though I know many people with disabilities, I am the only one fighting against the role society has told us we should play. In my estimation, it seems as if other people with disabilities are ok being used as inspirational porn. They don't view their disabilities as a societal obstacle, and maybe that is the problem. We need to stop focusing on the physical disability model and focus on the social model of disability for a real change to occur. Will this ever happen? If I have anything to do about it, I am afraid that I cannot be the only voice in my fight. My circle of influence may be small for now, and I will do what I can to irritate and go against my societal role, but for those who know me, who also have disabilities, it is time for you to join the fight as well. Don't accept someone else's destiny before you make your own.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8K9Gg164Bsw

Lessons Learned: Self-Reliance

So I didn't write a lot in 2014 yet, but I promise that will change. This posting will be my 40^th blog. It is amazing what this blog has grown into a little over nine months.

            Nine months ago, I was angry and bitter and didn't know how to deal with it. They say life has a funny way of working out. I can't say that I would say that in nine months, I found my voice or at least the beginnings of it. As this blog says, I have learned a few things over the past little bit. I've written about comedy, I've written about political issues, and I've written about disability stereotypes; however, this blog will be a little different.

            Maybe it's because of how I was raised, but I have developed a fighter spirit that is both a good thing and a bad thing. As I sit down to write this post, in fact, I still remember the latest fight I had with my parents about being self-reliant. Without boring you with the gritty details, let's say we disagreed on how self-sufficient I should be at this point in my life.  My fight with my parents had nothing to do with a disability, at least on the surface; however, it got me thinking about a disability community problem.

            I've read a lot lately since graduating from my master's program in early December of 2013. I don't know whether it was intentional or not, but many titles have been related to making one's destiny. The last book I finished, I am Malala, was a highly publicized book about a girl shot by the Taliban in Pakistan to speak up for girls' educational rights. That book not only blended history and culture, but it struck me on a personal level. The circumstances Malala had to overcome put her in extreme danger every day. Regardless of that danger, she still stood up for what she wanted.  She knew no one else was going to give it to her unless she proves herself.

Similarly, A Bold Piece of Humanity, by Bill O'Reilly, discussed the controversial commentator's belief system and how he had come to reach those beliefs. While some of Mr. O’Reilly's political views may not sit well with some, the striking thing about this book was that like Malala; he did not rely on anyone to hand him success. No, he just took it.

            What does this all have to do with disability, one might ask? Well, it is simple. I've noticed lately, and I include myself in this generalization as well, that most people with disabilities let external forces control their lives. Often they feel trapped by circumstance, so we do not complain when our aide care is sub-par or something doesn't get done in a typical fashion because we are disabled. No, we accept it as our reality. Well, the above two books, along with something my father has been trying to tell me for forever, have finally sunk in.  Hard work isn't easy. I will use a parable from a well-known book for those of you who need it put simpler. Whether or not you believe it that Jesus of Nazareth is God as I do, the Bible does have one exciting thing that everyone can live by. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime. This is not a wealth criticism or even a social criticism; instead, in this case, it is a disability criticism.

            I am criticizing those like myself in the disability community who often let their circumstances define their lives.  Yes, our lives may be challenging, but our obstacles are no different than anyone else's. We are no other than a single mom of four that I know who busts her ass every day and sometimes goes without to help me and make her kid's lives better. We are also no different from a 49-year-old man who goes to work every day and doesn't smoke a day in his life but ends up getting cancer at 50. He still must get up, go to chemo, and move on with his life. We are no different from my Dad, who was perfectly healthy a year ago and is now fighting every day to keep his spirits up and keep moving towards his retirement dream. I know that was long-winded, but I do have a point.

            Disabled people think that because we rely on other people so much, whether we have a physical or mental disability, we are not in control of our lives. I'm here to tell you that our lives are what we make them, no one else.

If we do not have much physical control, then we can demand high expectations of those who do have biological control over our lives. Disability is not a limit, just a challenge. Quit letting it limit you and start challenging it. Your experiences will be better in the short term, and the world will be better in the long run.