Parenting Series: How One’s Perspective Can Change Given The Right Circumstances

Happy Taco Tuesday everyone! Thank you for the continued support you have shown over the past few weeks. Today will be the third in a series about parenting with a disability. I did not intend for this topic to be a series of blogs but the topic keeps finding relevance in my life and I hope to continue to impact others as well. 

I began writing about parenting with a disability a decade ago. The first blog was entitled "Who Says We Can't Have A Family". Who Says We Can't Have A Family  Two years later I wrote a second blog entitled “Parenthood & Me”. Parenthood & Me 

If you read both blogs, you may be a little confused. I sound like a rolling contradiction (: Both of these blogs were written while I was single as a pringle. In the first blog, I had a positive outlook on having a biological child. In the second blog, I said something to the effect of after thinking about it I would be doing a disservice to a young child, and I stated that I thought it would be more appropriate if I adopted an older child. Well, eight years have passed since I wrote the second blog and by some strange facet of the universe, or as I like to call it God’s Divine Plan, I am no longer single as a pringle. I have been lucky enough to capture a little space alien named Samantha “Elizabeth” Lebron. Her middle name is not actually Elizabeth. I just gave it to her because she looks just as beautiful as Elizabeth Taylor. (I know Samantha you hate your imposed middle name, but oh well I guess you will have to give me one soon.) Back to my point.  A lot has changed. I now have someone I want to build a life with and hopefully have a child or multiple children with. With that in mind my views on children haven’t changed; they have just gained some perspective. While I continue to believe adoption is still an option, and there a lot of kids out there who need a good home regardless of whether they are disabled or not, my desire to have biological children is stronger now than it has ever been. 

In closing in the first blog, I said that I did not know much about assistive technology for taking care of a child when you are a parent that has a disability. Since the purpose of this blog serves as a resource for everyone as well as to inform people about what living with a disability entails, I plan on researching assistive devices and equipment further and will be writing a fourth blog on parenting with a disability in the future.

Enjoy your Taco Tuesday and come back tomorrow for another interesting blog post from The Voiceless Minority.  

P.S. If anyone has any ideas for upcoming blog posts or wants to be a guest writer please leave a comment below or contact me via email at jasonhahr@gmail.com

Your Friendly Neighborhood Super Advocate, 

Jay  

Lessons Learned: Self-Reliance

So I didn't write a lot in 2014 yet, but I promise that will change. This posting will be my 40^th blog. It is amazing what this blog has grown into a little over nine months.

            Nine months ago, I was angry and bitter and didn't know how to deal with it. They say life has a funny way of working out. I can't say that I would say that in nine months, I found my voice or at least the beginnings of it. As this blog says, I have learned a few things over the past little bit. I've written about comedy, I've written about political issues, and I've written about disability stereotypes; however, this blog will be a little different.

            Maybe it's because of how I was raised, but I have developed a fighter spirit that is both a good thing and a bad thing. As I sit down to write this post, in fact, I still remember the latest fight I had with my parents about being self-reliant. Without boring you with the gritty details, let's say we disagreed on how self-sufficient I should be at this point in my life.  My fight with my parents had nothing to do with a disability, at least on the surface; however, it got me thinking about a disability community problem.

            I've read a lot lately since graduating from my master's program in early December of 2013. I don't know whether it was intentional or not, but many titles have been related to making one's destiny. The last book I finished, I am Malala, was a highly publicized book about a girl shot by the Taliban in Pakistan to speak up for girls' educational rights. That book not only blended history and culture, but it struck me on a personal level. The circumstances Malala had to overcome put her in extreme danger every day. Regardless of that danger, she still stood up for what she wanted.  She knew no one else was going to give it to her unless she proves herself.

Similarly, A Bold Piece of Humanity, by Bill O'Reilly, discussed the controversial commentator's belief system and how he had come to reach those beliefs. While some of Mr. O’Reilly's political views may not sit well with some, the striking thing about this book was that like Malala; he did not rely on anyone to hand him success. No, he just took it.

            What does this all have to do with disability, one might ask? Well, it is simple. I've noticed lately, and I include myself in this generalization as well, that most people with disabilities let external forces control their lives. Often they feel trapped by circumstance, so we do not complain when our aide care is sub-par or something doesn't get done in a typical fashion because we are disabled. No, we accept it as our reality. Well, the above two books, along with something my father has been trying to tell me for forever, have finally sunk in.  Hard work isn't easy. I will use a parable from a well-known book for those of you who need it put simpler. Whether or not you believe it that Jesus of Nazareth is God as I do, the Bible does have one exciting thing that everyone can live by. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime. This is not a wealth criticism or even a social criticism; instead, in this case, it is a disability criticism.

            I am criticizing those like myself in the disability community who often let their circumstances define their lives.  Yes, our lives may be challenging, but our obstacles are no different than anyone else's. We are no other than a single mom of four that I know who busts her ass every day and sometimes goes without to help me and make her kid's lives better. We are also no different from a 49-year-old man who goes to work every day and doesn't smoke a day in his life but ends up getting cancer at 50. He still must get up, go to chemo, and move on with his life. We are no different from my Dad, who was perfectly healthy a year ago and is now fighting every day to keep his spirits up and keep moving towards his retirement dream. I know that was long-winded, but I do have a point.

            Disabled people think that because we rely on other people so much, whether we have a physical or mental disability, we are not in control of our lives. I'm here to tell you that our lives are what we make them, no one else.

If we do not have much physical control, then we can demand high expectations of those who do have biological control over our lives. Disability is not a limit, just a challenge. Quit letting it limit you and start challenging it. Your experiences will be better in the short term, and the world will be better in the long run.