Finding The Way

       Hi guys. This blog will go a little off format. I know this blog is designed to talk about disability issues, and this one will cover a few personal details as you all seem to have responded well to the last blog, where I told a little bit of my personal story. That gave me the idea for this one. 
       A new school year is about to begin. My baby sister is finally growing up! She moved into college dorms this weekend, and that hit me interestingly. I know it's not a very good description, but it's the best way I can describe it. I have two Bachelor's degrees, and I'm working on my third. People think that's so impressive and amazing, but I look at this little seventeen-year-old genius (yes, I said seventeen), and I wonder, what am I doing with my life? She is already certified with 90 hours of preschool assistance that translates into some certificate in Maryland. Sorry, Kim. I don't remember all the details. She's going to have about a semester or half a semester already done. Overall, she is exceptionally goal-orientated, and I am very PROUD of her. However, she makes me question myself. 
       For the past couple of days, I have been debating whether my lack of traction or mobility in my life has been a result of my disability and societal condition, the re-evaluation of my disability, or a lack of direction. My parents often said to me over the last nine months that I change direction every other month. This statement only has some merit. 
       As I've said before, until about eleven months ago, I had my life planned out. I would be a teacher first in public school then eventually at the college level, but life threw me a curveball, which throws people often. I didn't think it was going to be an identity crisis curveball, though. I finally realized that my passion and my drive didn't equal out to my situation or opportunities. Why was this?
       That is the question that I have been struggling with for days upon days since the last "hardcore" conversation I had with my mom. She keeps saying that because of a certain event, our circumstances have changed. Which they have…but does that mean my passion has changed? No. If anything else, the last year's fragility has made me realize that they must go for it if one wants something before they do not have the opportunity anymore. This philosophy is what drives me. I guess it has always driven me. That is why I've been at odds with so many people in my life. They have their preconceived notions of what I should do because of my societal limitations, and I look at them and feel that way does not work for me. It should work for anybody in a chair.  
       Many people with disabilities settle into what they think they're supposed to be as a person with a disability. For example, people in manual chairs often won't date people with power chairs and vice versa because society thinks that it is a natural fit for us. That is the only form of companionship that is "normal" or "natural." For some, I can see why they choose that route. However, my eventual life choice will not be just based on whether or not they have a disability. If they do, then they do. Suppose they don't, then they don't. This brings me back to my main point. 
       As I finish my third degree, which will eventually be "useless," I am at another crucial transition period in my life. The small town in which I live has served its purpose. It's too damn cold, and it's a transient town. All my friends that I've made here have come and gone, minus a few who I think will be here forever. As I wrap up my career for now anyway, I have to decide on where to live. 
       My parents wish for me to live close to them so that I can visit on holidays and family occasions, and so that I will be in a little safe bubble in case anything happens. I agree with the first point—I would love to be close to family, but the second point is what drives me away the most. I've always been a go-against-the-grain-type person. I have ever had to do things in a non-easy way. Not the hard way, but if there's a challenge involved, I have to take it. I see no reason why I should be limited to geographically because of my disability. Society and those around me say otherwise. This is another crucial issue that disabled people need to be vocal about. No, not the geographic location in particular, but instead is allowed to nurture our spirit for what we want it to be. Not what others think it should be.